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Travelog.Net Bizarre Index (Appologies to Harper's Bazaar)

Number of times I have had somebody attempt to pick my pocket: 1

Number of times potential pickpocketers fled in terror when I grabbed their throat in reflex action: 1

Number of tricycle accidents in the jungle: 1

Number of godchildren I have aquired: 2

Number of times I have been addressed as "Hey Joe": uncountable

Number of times I have been in a plane that almost crashed: 1

Number of times I have almost been in a plane that did crash: 1

Number of times I have had to bribe officials ("You help me, I help you, OK?"): 3

Total dollar amount of "help" doled out: US$ 305.71

Number of people who have chased me with a Bolo machete: 2

Number of Balut (half-incubated duck eggs) eaten: 4

Number of crucifixions I have witnessed: 11

Number of times have I lent friends money to go to a doctor: 5

Number friends who spent the money on a witch doctor: 1